Just the other day, one married male colleague was giving me unwanted advice he thought would somehow make me feel more worthy (!).

Now, I come from a financially weak background, got education and held a job all because my idealistic hard-working mom swam against the flow and gave me everything she didn't get.

In my conversation with that colleague, I mentioned to him that I come from a poor background. As he was from the same state that I am, we speak the same language, he is so annoyingly talkative and always trying to make connection with all the people in the floor, and I am so full of thoughts and theories always waiting for a listening ear; my conversation with him went a bit outside the professional interests, besides job, career and money, I also started discussing politics, societal justice, fairness, personal freedom, individualism (these are my naturally go-to topics) etc.

He mistook my belief in personal freedom as I would somehow agree with his pursuit of extramarital affair stemming from his spinelessness of informing his wife that he is not happy with their current situation of lack of sexual interaction and hence take a clean leave. Besides that, it was also very bad of him to disclose such personal issues involving his partner to a practically stranger person.

Anyway, I couldn't directly tell him all these. Because obviously, he got a lot of connections and he didn't give me any reason to believe he won't harm my career if I talked sense to him. So, I went in a round about way and told him : You know, marriage seem difficult and pointless to me. Your wife moved cities, even countries with you, leaving her folks behind, compromising her career; and I don't think I can do all that; I want someone who will be willing to adjust to my moving terms. Besides the fact that I really do want that, I also wanted to show him the mirror that he should not talk about the private life of his wife and insult her in front of strangers in her absence, showing her as ungrateful gold-digger (he described himself as the ideal husband to his wife once, because he pays for two domestic helps. I was not matured enough to stop talking to him then and there. But I learnt the lesson and will apply it in future) when she gave him so much, taking care of all his personal needs, and being such a movable family to him, even with a kid.

But, my hint flew from far above his head, and he instead told me this : You belong to a higher social strata now. You have degree from a prestigious institute and you have a good job. You should not go for less ambitious men, only go for "high profile" men. You are free now, don't have a boyfriend, so move anywhere you can and live your life, but once you have a boyfriend (it sounded to me like a chain on my feet), you will have to settle where he settles.

And, I was astounded. Like really, THIS is your measurement of value? Money and social level? And, how much over-confident you are that you told me this absolutely rotten joke? Why do you think you get to groom a young woman into believing this absolutely rubbish sexist gender-role imposing things?