Here I am not talking about the time when my father expresses his anger about why the school teachers at my all girls school earn so much more than him. But when I pointed out, that the male teachers from the boys' schools also earn the same, he said, well that’s justified. He was a laborer, but his problem was not the acute pay gap between the daily wagers like him and white collars like the teachers. His problem was why the women teachers were paid more than him.
Or, I am not talking about the time when I pointed out at the lunch table that it seems really odd that all the newly promoted people are men while there are so many competent women to promote in our workplace, and one male team member claimed that there are already “too many” females in the higher positions. Well, there is not, first of all. There’s barely a few. And, secondly, that should not be the reason behind not promoting any other eligible woman.
Or, the time when another colleague said that the diversity policy should recruit men from all the strata of the society first, then only think about the women. Did he even think why men and women from all the strata can’t be equally selected based on their skill-set and why can’t a gender as well as a class balance balance can’t be simultaneously maintained in the recruitment process? He is too intelligent not to think that. So, this was something else. Misogyny (or, am I being a dumb “feminazi” ? Idk).
Or, when one of our male batchmates’ immediate response after hearing an incident about a guy harassing a girl was “She must be lying. He is a nice guy, and he doesn’t need to chase any woman”. It was a rooftop party at our college campus. I was not present there, but several of my friends were and most of them (the girls and many boys too) were describing how one of our college seniors grabbed the hand of a girl (his friend’s friend, she was attending the party) and was not letting her go and was talking nonsense to her. They were witnesses, but who cares? Although he was not there, he knows for sure that the girl provoked the guy. And also, he was drunk, so leave the guy alone! Luckily later the college authority enquired into the matter and offered the girl to proceed with the accusation, but she let him go (And what good could come even if she persued it? He was an “intelligent guy with a bright future”, the precious son of his parents, she would have been blamed for trying to ruin his life and that’s all. She would get a bad reputation from then onwards.)
Or, the time when so many people say that kids should take their father’s surname, not mother’s. And, oftentimes they say women should take their father’s surname and then husbands' surname. Why? Because if you don’t, then you don’t deserve any financial support from them. Plain and simple.
But here in this article, I’ll talk about some recent famous celebrity incidents in my country and abroad that come to my mind regarding misogyny. And about how vast it is, how it is present across time and space and yet, how acutely unreasonable it is. One point here will be about my recent discussion with an online person about a drama character. Yes, people are damn misogynistic there too, and don’t even spare a character. These thoughts are coming to my mind repetitively and messing up my work and life. So, although I know almost nothing will change after me writing this article, it will still at least help me vent and clear my mind, hopefully. So, here it goes:
- The most recent one would be the big debate about how Deepika Padukone is a cheater and a slut. She and her husband Ranveer Singh were in a show and there she said that they were in an open relationship before their confession of love towards each other and eventual marriage. That both knew and agreed to the thing, and she was seeing other guys (not sure about Ranveer’s status then). But her heart was kind of always with Ranveer. She just needed to explore more, sort out her mind, and she was not doing serious relationships then, was dealing with depression, and Ranveer was able to show his true concern and love for her and get her to trust him. Then she committed to him.
So, where’s the problem in this story? Nowhere. But the YouTube, podcast, Facebook, Reddit community have been so triggered for some reason and continuously making contents and spreading hates slut-shaming her, calling her a cheater, saying that Ranveer deserves better than her, he is a worthless henpecked person and many more things. Most boys around me are spewing this bs too. But these very same people call Ranveer weird for oftentimes dressing up and behaving in an androgynous and funky way (Btw, I love this actor, and I really think he is a much much better choice than her powerful ex, actor Ranbir Kapoor. But, people usually always mock Deepika for not marrying Kapoor and for marrying Singh instead). Seeing this and seeing them I am not surprised, I am just angry at myself, why did I expect anything else from these people? - The second thing that comes to mind is the Johny Depp Amber Heard case. He sued her for apparently ruining her reputation by calling him a domestic abuser. But she got judged by the people and the system for what? For a possibility that she was an abuser too, and she took money from Elon Musk and she cheated on him and hence what was the judgement? That he didn’t abuse him and she was spreading lies harming his career. After watching the part of the trial which was broadcast, I also happen to believe they had a toxic relationship and she must have at least verbally abused him (and then there’s this recording where he is asking her to beat him and she is throwing punches at that giant man, oh yes, huge domestic violence that was). But, the trial was on whether or not her claims of domestic abuse were false. Did they prove or even try to prove that those were not? It’s defamation only if the accusation is false, right? But yes, people judged her as the perpetrator and she had to pay him the money. At least I think some girl will learn a bit from this and stop believing the movies brainwashing them into liking the masculine bad guy types. They would at least learn to doubt that the outcome might not be too good for them. Idk.
- Another witch-hunt that went on in our country during Covid was accusing Rhea Chakraborty and her family for drugging the actor Sushant Singh Rajput and pushing his to commit suicide! Yes, apparently the 30 something very sensible very matured actor was a baby who was being fed drugs by his girlfriend (Rhea) and her brother without his knowledge and his bank account was being emptied by the duo. People even gathered outside her house for days and gave her all the "usual" rape and death threats, his long separated sister, father and neighbors suddenly appeared in public and claimed that the reason he got so separated from them was Rhea. She controlled him apparently and that they are the actual claimants of his money. Yes, that’s the main thing, his money. But did people see this? No! The CBI (Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI), the Indian national government’s top investigating agency) investigated this case and found no link between Rhea and his suicide. She and her brother were arrested for an alleged drug case by NCB (Narcotics Control Bureau), ED (Enforcement Directorate) questioned them for money laundering, but every single institution cleared her from the vicious accusation. She was found innocent by all these. But, the public harassment didn’t stop. It’s still ongoing. And, her acting career, and any public career for that matter, seems to be over. Thanks to the witch-hunting. He was a really sweet person, at least he really seemed so, a decent human being. But I really hope young girls learn from this and stop getting into relationships with really any public figure, or, proceed knowing the risk. It’s dehumanizing.
- Recently I watched a rather unconventional but nice C-Drama, it has a rather cheesy name, "She and Her Perfect Husband". Someone in the drama discussion section called the FL an abusive trash, a pathetic weak person. Their reason? She was spending a lot of time with her Ex. Doing what? They work in the same law firm, and she is taking mentoring from him, because all the other senior lawyers (apart from the super busy bosses) are sexist pricks. And, once she slept in his office chamber because that day she was working on some of his cases from his room (this is a drama) and became tired and fell asleep. And once she drove him home, when he was drunk and in the way, he started drunk-talking and asked her to get back with him. Yes, that’s it. These are the reasons that person provided. This is why the FL character is an abusive trash to the ML (she is fake married to him, but he confessed that he likes her and she was falling for him, although she didn’t confess and was ready to let him go after the end of the contract).
So, misogyny really got no reason, yet it’s just everywhere. It’s frustrating. And, we really should stop expecting any better, I think. But the problem (or, the hopelessly bright side) is that I don’t want to. People don’t want to. And, these things go on repeating themselves.